tick, tick, tick, tick ...
Honestly not sure what the day will bring. Besides the final few domestic tasks and maybe some visitors - brother freshly arriving in town, my parents, a good friend waiting on her own serious test results.
High on the list of expectations for the day is irrational thinking. Obsessing about the details of what I've packed in my Go Bag, reading and rereading the pre-admitting instructions, focusing on the unknown after being dragged from the depths of anaesthesia, the thought of needles and tubes (I'm seriously needlephobic, so the IV is likely to cause me more grief than the actual surgery). Irrational will be the order of the day.
I am looking forward to getting this process going. For me, it will officially start when we leave for the hotel later today. Hospital admitting at 6:30am tomorrow comes early and we'd rather not be fighting rush hour traffic, the stress of getting there on time (like surgery will start without me!) or the panic thoughts of sleeping through the alarm. Like I'm really going to sleep tonight. Who's kidding who here. I will be visualizing the pacing around in my sexy blue gowns waiting to be taken to the operating room, role playing the conversation with the anaesthesiologist as I count down 10, 9, 8 ... and anticipating the pain upon waking up.
My brother told me that the thing to fear is more damage, not the pain. Pain of past trauma is irrelevant.
He's right.
But today irrational wins.
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