The Small Things

The other day my parents lent me a book  My Stroke of Insight  that, ironically, I had given to my father as a gift a year or so ago.  Written by a neuroanatomist, it's about  her journey to recovery after suffering a massive stroke in her left hemisphere at 37 years old.  While her resulting disabilities were much more serious than mine, I found it to be a fascinating read and there were some parallels between her story and mine.

I share her unwavering belief of recovery, her willingness to do the hard work and her fascination about what happened to her. In her chapter on "What I Needed Most" She writes about needing people to treat her as if she would fully recover, needing to have dreams to work towards and needing visitors to bring their positive energy. But the section that really caught my attention was "it was important that we focus on my ability, not my disability" (1)  The author talks about staying focused on how well she was recovering by celebrating achievements every day and if she didn't, how easy it was to focus on the vast number of things that were lost.

That got me to thinking.  Do I celebrate my small successes? Do I pay attention to the small things I'm gaining every day or every few days? Aside from my weekend at home where I dwelled on the lost, I stay focused on the positive in attitude, but do not pay attention to the small things. I've been focused on the end goal - walking.  It's been all about the walking.  I'm sure I've had small successes, and probably lots of them, but they have been achieved without recognition and celebration. 

Today I've taken a moment to reflect. I've blogged about the big stuff, but what of the small things ... those day to day changes that cumulate in the big successes. Do I even know what they are?  It's taken more than a few moments of thinking, but I have had successes that should be celebrated.

Some of the small things:

• I can put my right foot into my sandal without having to control the foot with my hands.
• I can now stand on one leg (the bad one) to put on my scrub pants when getting dressed.  I still hold onto a bar, but I can weight bear on the bad leg and lift the good foot off the floor ... for more than a nanosecond.
• I'm a wicked wheelchair driver - totally have the hang of it :)
• When I'm sitting, I can lift my right knee straight up with more control.
• I changed the sheets on my bed on my own this morning
• I can use a regular toilet without a commode (some would argue that's a big success :)
• I can cross and uncross my legs with able-bodied grace
• I can't call my right leg spazzy anymore ... I've almost completely overcome that party trick
• I can write my Cheesy Quote of the Day on my whiteboard, standing up without holding on to anything (for what it's worth, today's cheesy quote is "If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today" - E. Crossman)
• In the morning I get up, showered, dressed and go for coffee ... with total independence. The coffee run still requires a wheelchair, but I do it all myself.
• I had the endurance to walk two loops of the floor today instead of one.

I'll never take my eyes of the main goal, but I agree with the author. "I may not be in total control of what happens to my life, but I certainly am in charge of how I choose to perceive my experience" (2)




(1) (2) Bolte Taylor, J. My Stroke of Insight. (2006). New York: Penquin Group