That's the only problem with progress. You do all this work to improve and to live up to new challenges, then the people in charge start to think you're doing well, slap a green sticked on your walker and take away your wheels.
Y'all have heard ad nauseam about my awful weekend and my crappy mood when I came back Monday morning. The day nurse took the brunt of my mood when he made the mistake of asking "So, did you have a great weekend at home?" He got the tears, the overwhelming-sense-of-loss drama, the I'm-not-going-home-until-I-can-walk proclamation, the my-house-sucks complaining. My neurosurgeon got the same drama the next day, as did physio guy. And then the ward grapevine kicked in and everyone knew I was miserable and that life sucked.
Drama or not, they don't care, and my discharge date is my discharge date no matter what I'm capable of. But at least physio guy took it to heart ... "UP ... we're WALKING today". And he meant it. Ditch the wheels, ditch the walker, ditch the motor control exercises, we're walking. Here's a cane.
Wow .. okay. Maybe I did say that I'm not going home until I can walk with a cane, but I didn't know you meant immediately! Off we went. I say that laughingly, because it was anything but. In reality I didn't trust the leg I can't feel and I felt very physically insecure with so little to hold on to. It took a bit, but after a few turns around the room, I was walking with a cane without physio guy holding on to me. I use the term "walking" loosely. I think a more accurate word is "ambulated".
I cannot begin to describe what it "feels" like to walk on a leg that is giving no sensory feedback to your brain. Rubbery. Bouncy. Strained. Mind of its own. My technique was fair at best, I had no push off with my toe, my knee kept locking and my gait was lopsided, but I was moving and physio guy was pleased. I was a lot frustrated, because if I'm capable of that, why had we not tried that before? I have done so little walking in physio - I did more walking at home with my walker than I had done in the week here. We're doing it now only because I had a hissy-fit.
With that success comes an up side and a down side. Physio guy put a big green sticker on my walker. Green for GO. Green for "she can walk alone". Green for nurses will let me walk on past and not stop me. That's good news. The bad news .. he banned me from my wheels. To be used only for runs to the coffee shop and for excursions outside. I have a couple more days, then they will take away the wheels for the rest of my time here.
And my surgeon took away my Oxy.
A girl just can't have any fun around here.
You'll be on your bike again in no time!
ReplyDeleteNot sure why this suddenly comes to mind:
I can remember putting my watch on (with a clasp) with my mouth for about five months (not sure that skill will ever be useful again...). The first time I tried to do it with my injured arm, it took 10 minutes. And afterwards I just sat there and cried ... partly because I was so excited that I could do it again, and partly because I was so pissed off that putting a watch on was a major accomplishment.
But the journey is what it is regardless of how you planned it. If you need to cry or be angry, just let it out. You feel better afterwards.