10 Months Post-Op. Should'a Had a Baby Instead

10 months yesterday.  I officially consider today to be 10 months because for the first 24 hours after my surgery I was pretty much stoned out of my mind on the after effects of the anesthetic and the high powered hits of morphine being shot in my direction.

So 10 months ... it's been quite a ride, and not one I would recommend.  If you've been diagnosed with this nasty tumour then it doesn't really matter what I recommend, but for the rest of the world ... try to avoid having someone mucking about in your spinal cord. It leaves a nasty after taste.

For those who are facing or have faced this and are looking for a frame of reference, where am I at?

Walking
I can walk.  I don't have the same sassy swagger that I used to have, and I would sell my soul to be able to wear stilettos again.  The loss of ability to wear stilettos is one of the few things that can bring me to tears. My significant other is okay with the lack of heels (I stand 6' or 6'1" in my favourites), as long as they come out to play.  My daughter, who has the same sized foot, is waiting for me to officially decree my high heeled days over so she can inherit my collection.  Apparently I'm the only one who wants me to wear them again ...

I am reduced to flat loafer-type shoes.  I refuse to go old lady Naturalizer (no offense to Naturalizer ... I'm sure you make lovely shoes), so I mortgaged my house to buy a couple of pairs of  kick-ass designer flats.  Not ballet flats - I still don't have the fine muscle control that is required to keep a ballet flat on my foot, but fun loafers.

Running
I can't run. Going on the theory that I won't ever run again.  It doesn't stop me from trying once in a while on a treadmill, but realistically, that part of my life is over.  It sucks.

Stairs
Stairs are coming along, but it is still where people (and me) notice my disability the most.  Stairs are where balance meets fine motor control and I don't have much of either ... handrails are my new best friend.  But I was proud of myself today ... I was able to carry a box of wine (not boxed wine ... a box with 12 bottles of wine) from the trunk of my car, up my 5 front steps and into the house.  They say success is driven by what motivates you :)

Numbness
I describe it as "numbness" but it is the same feeling as when your foot has been asleep, you start to move it, and the mad firey/painful-ish tingles start.  That's me.  From the hips down. 85% of the time.

Bodily Functions
For the most part, normal but I have "can't feel soft touch" issues. My SO asked me the other day why I don't wear sexy thong undies anymore.  Well ... with my soft touch sensory issues I can't tell whether what I'm feeling is the thong, or whether I've pooped my pants.  Very distracting.  (okay work colleagues ... how's THAT for too much information!)

I also have minor muscle control issues. Because of an unrelated issue (or as it turns out, non-issue) I had to have an ultrasound the other day. At the time of booking, I didn't really think it through, but when I was heading off to the appointment,  I realized that I would not be able to drink the required 1L of water.  Not because I couldn't drink it ... but because I am left with the inability to hold an over-full bladder.  Drinking a litre of water and not voluntarily peeing would result in involuntary peeing.  I chose to not drink the water.

I suppose it might have been worth the risk of embarassment, but the ultrasound was precautionary rather than important. Risk vs reward ... nope.   Maybe if I'd been having a baby I would have chosen to try to hold my pee for an hour.