Arachnoids and Personal Hygiene

"A midline incision and subperiosteal dissection of the paraspinal musculature exposes the lamina and spinous processes. The level is confirmed by radiograph. A laminectomy or laminoplasty is performed exposing the dorsal dura.  ... A durotomy is made in the midline, and the dural edges are tacked to the soft tissues laterally, exposing the arachnoid overlying the swollen spinal cord …." (1) 

They expose the spider?  Really?  Hmmm ... a bit of dictionary.com and I am soon corrected.  Arachnoid is a layer of the spinal cord,  Arachnid is a spider. I guess I failed the arachnology unit of high school Biology :)

All this contemplation of spiders, got me to thinking.  Men grow play-off beards, what about women? (no, not woman beards ... there's laser for that).  Some women grow hairy legged spiders on a regular basis, but that hasn't really been my thing.  Problem is, I'm going to be laid up for a while, and I have no idea what to expect. When will I sit? When will I walk? When will I shower? When will I be able to bend? The normal person is probably not as obsessed about these details as I am. Not that I’m a planner. Or a control freak. Or compulsively organized.  Maybe a  bit of go-with-the-flow attitude would likely make my life more relaxed.  

But that wouldn’t be me.

I focus on the details.

• How do I make sure there’s food in the fridge at home when I get discharged (um … hello … can you say FAMILY!  Or when all else fails grocerygateway.com).
•  I need to make sure the bed has clean sheets because I’m going to be in it for a month (really? A month? Again .. FAMILY !!  I’m not the only person on the planet who knows how to work a washing machine).
• What about all those 20 minute jobs around the house I’ve been meaning to do … I can’t have visitors in the house with the state it’s in (really? Like they care?)

But ... the hairy spiders.   The planner of all planners  (me) has had to make a choice … coerce someone into shaving my legs post surgery, or deal with it now. Really?  Can you even PAY someone to shave your legs?   Not so sure.  But ... you can pay someone to wax them. So, this planner is venturing into the realm of waxing.

Waxing  in itself is not so bad … it’s the getting there.   But, it's play-off season right?  If men can grow those icky scratchy play-off beards just because their favourite team is still in the running, surely us lady folk can cultivate some hairy spiders.  And for not nearly as long as the play-offs!  Just until it reaches just past "socially acceptable" length.  Then I can pay someone to plaster hot wax on me and RIP THE HAIR OUT from the roots.  


But in the meantime, my  significant other is not so thrilled. I'm sure he doesn't think much of my letting-all-follicle-hell break loose. While he hasn’t said anything specifically, he just can’t help the eye-dart and the “seriously???” look.  Soon to be gone,  and not to worry, gone for a while. Because, while I wouldn’t hire anyone to shave my legs and other bits … I would ask him. So to spare him, and for my post-surgery vanity, I'm growing my play-off spiders.

(1) source http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/251133-treatment#aw2aab6b4b2