Recovery - Approaching 16 Weeks

I'm tired of the symptoms.  They can go away now, thank you.

If I could wish one symptom away, it would be the numb feet. Getting out of bed in the morning takes some psyching because I know that the first stand of the day is going to hurt.  Ugh.  I hate mornings to begin with, let alone adding my first daily dose of pain to it. I can't get the coffee into me fast enough :)   Numb feet means I can't wear slippers, or flip flops or Jesus shoes - even my good foot that has full muscle control, can't keep them on. The numbness prevents my brain from accurately feeling the shoe on my foot and in all honesty, I can't always tell whether the shoe is on or off.

Interestingly, the symptoms from the nerve damage from the nerves my surgeon had to cut are much more tolerable.  Maybe because they aren't painful? Maybe because they limit me in different ways? Maybe because I can train my body to compensate? 

 The other day, someone told me I was so optimistic and cheerful.  In reality I am one breath away from depression every day.  If I let my brain wander down the path of focussing on the negative, I would crawl into bed and sleep for six months.  It isn't easy - I miss my swagger. I miss my stilettos. I miss the ease with which I used to do things.  That being said, there are things I can do now that I couldn't do a month ago.

• I got on an escalator.  Yipes! Sounds simple but you'd be amazed at how much coordination and balance is required to get on an escalator - especially going down.
• I stand with ease - motivated by wanting to say "HA - you idiot" to the occupational therapist who wanted to install armrests around my toilet.
• I use the stand-up shower. No more sitting in the bathtub.  (As an aside ... can you believe what they charge for those gazillion blade razors with built in shaving gel? .. I learned quickly that the balance required to stand in the shower, balance on one leg, apply shaving cream, keep that leg away from the water, and shave, all at the same time, is way beyond my abilities. But those all-in-one thingies are great.  More TMI).
• I don't use canes in the house - ever
• I can go up and down my stairs. I still wouldn't do that while carrying hot coffee, but I can carry small things

In terms of nerve healing - it's hard to tell.  I'm getting temperature sensation back in my left leg. It is nowhere near 100%, but my body is trying.  I would make the monumental assumption that if that nerve is healing, so is my proprioception nerve, but it is impossible for me to tell.  I'm able to pass the up/down test when my toes are pulled up, but I can't feel the difference between neutral and down.

Ever so slowly, I'm getting my life back. It may never return to what it was and I would sell my soul to be able to run, but I have an acceptable level of independence and a great excuse to make my kids unload the groceries from the car :)